Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Top 10 worst Nigerian hit songs of 2014-By Morakinyo Olugbiji

By Morakinyo Olugbiji|For instant gists, ff @splendor_online|BB:20C3B3F1

Someone once told me that the type of music a society listens to is a reflection of that society; therefore the chaotic music that has in recent time rented the Nigerian airwaves is a pure reflection of the chaotic state the country is in. It looks like in the history of Nigerian music, 2014 has the highest rate of bad, garbage music being churned out. From watered down lyrics that do not correlate, to singing different songs on same beat, the state of the industry leaves much to be desired. Mind you, this cankerworm of garbage music is also eating deep into the fabric of the international music scene. Each time a song or video of the likes of "ilovemakonnen", "Nicki Minaj" and so on comes up on my airwaves, I just can't! It's really sad that the good sounds, with good messages don't make it to the mainstream anymore. Nigerians, like the rest of the world appear to care more about catchy beats rather than good message. Below are my top 10 picks of worst hit songs of the year 2014. You may or may not agree with me though. Some of you may also need to listen to these songs carefully to understand my points well...

10. Hakuna Mata by KCee

This song is senseless from the word go!

He started like this "Five star music, E money, Its Kcee labalo". What is 'KCee Lobalo'? Is 'Lobalo' French or Spanish?

In another part of the song, he said "Cecilia bum bum, cecilia bum bum, Shebi na your bum bum, cecilia bum". I don't know what's with Cecilia's bum bum o..

Most part of the song also goes like this.."Oya whine ni ni whine ni ni Whine ni ni for me oh, Oya shake e ni, shake e ni, Shake e ni for me oh, Oya whine ni ni whine ni ni, Whine ni ni for me oh,
Oya shake e ni shake e ni,
Shake e ni for me oh".

Somewhere, he said "Oya Jikere, baby???"...

As if that wasn't enough, he also repeats this severally;

"Oya baby no wahala, If you need anything just hala, I be monkey you be banana.."

Hellooo, did he just call himself a monkey???...

Then in the middle of these discordant lyrics, this monkey will jump to the lame chorus "Hakuna Matata, Hakuna mata, Baby No Wahala" repeatedly.

9. Story For The Gods By Olamide

Here is a song I wish would quickly go away. Beautiful rhythm, but this song glorifies rape and abuse of women in all its entirety. Story for the gods is all about getting loaded with local aphrodisiac(Dongoyaro,Monkey Tail and Claro), then going ahead to having a forceful carnal knowledge of a lady. The phrase "Story for the gods" (means to refuse to listen, deaf ears etc) Let's take a look...

CHORUS:
Mo ti mu dongoyaro, dongoyaro, dongoyaro And monkey tail, monkey tail, monkey tail
Aro bami gbe claro, claro o, claro o(Olamide is saying that he is high on those Aphrodisiac)
I want to do sina today, sina today(sina means fornication)
She said she cannot wait o(the girl wants to go home)
She said its getting late o(it's getting late)
She said she want to faint o
Ah, story for the gods(these last four lines needs no explaining. Olamide refuses to listen to her plea)

Now she saying mo r'ogo(she says she is finished)
O ti kan mi l'apa o(he has broken my arms)
O ti kan mi l'eyin o(he has broken my back)
Story for the gods, the gods o( but Olamide would have none of that!)

VERSE 1:
O my God insanity
See your back calamity
Girl I want to have it(ofcourse you know what he wants to have)
Do I need your permit?(and he is invariably saying that he doesn't need her permission to have it)

8. In my bed by Wizkid

It's been long established that this song by Wizkid is a total rubbish, which like the others on this list parades lyrics and verses that have no business whatsoever with one another. The song na real Americana Wonder like he sang... "Americana wonder,The way you whine your body Gimme thunder, I go follow you bumper to bumper Girl, I go follow you bumper to fender,"

(Na Wa o, your body gimme thunder, bumper to fender.. Issorait)...

But the most fraudulent part of the song is where Wizkid continues to sing about wanting a girl's body in his bed, and then suddenly switched to hailing names of some popular figures. You'd have thought he was trying to invite them for a gangbang...

"I want your body sleeping in my bed e, I want your body sleeping in my bed e, You got me going crazy, Oh girl I can't explain it, Your body so insane, Oh girl I can't replace you."

Some of the names he called..Agbaje eleniyan,
Fashola eleniyan,Tinubu eleniyan,Otedola eleniyan,
Baruwa eleniyan, Aliko eleniyan, Saraki eleniyan.

Then next is this part which always gives me stomach ache, because I really don't know what 'serving a living God' has to do with getting a girl's body in your bed and what blessing is there to get..."...Oh blessing follow me everywhere I go, I'm serving the living God,And everywhere I go, all my people show me love,
Just tell me the reason gan"

Ok, so what's the reason gan sef? And on top of all dis matter wey dey ground, wizkid believes that he is amazing.

Hear him.."Oh anytime, they hear my song They say I'm amazing gan".

Well, it's truly amazing that a small boy like him can make so much money and stardom with all that lyrical hogwash. Issorait!

7. Dorobucci by Mavins All-stars

This is probably the biggest hit of 2014. Don Jazzy is a great producer no doubt, but he and his artistes have a history of churning out garbage. Dorobucci is so meaningless some people began to doro-call it doro-occultic. Doro bloody. .Doro
Doro doro do do doro....doro. Where I come from in Oyo state, Doro is that rubber device used in drawing up water from a well.

Unfortunately,this is a country where an artiste will just wake up early in the morning and find out that PHCN has brought back power supply, then out of joy he'll dash straight to the studio to record a song about UP NEPA! He'll call that an inspiration. Even Don Jazzy himself is yet to come out straight about the meaning of Doro, because the truth is that it has no meaning. A lot of people are speaking well of the maturity of Davido's song because the boy knows well to pay for the services of professional songwriters.

6. Shoki by Lil Kesh

I hated this song for a very long time, however I had no choice but to like it after people won't stop playing it everywhere I go. Even the NBC ban did absolutely nothing to stop people from rocking this song which had the artiste mostly screaming "Shoki Ahhh Shoki". Davido however disappointed me this time around for accepting to feature in this kind of song. He ended up chanting the rubbish shoki along with the YBNL crew in the remix.

Hear him;"Oya show me shoki, shoki shoki, everybody shoki, shoki shoki, and the request say shoki, shoki shoki, everybody shoki, shoki shoki, oya show me shoki, shoki shoki, everybody shoki, shoki shoki, oya shoki, shoki shoki
shoki, shoki shoki... i am looking for that shawty,
with the baddest shoki,
when everybody they shoki,
abi you still dey look for johnny, but if you get case for body, the town will go make you the shawty,david please don't stop it,
i wanna see you drop it now,
for me now, on this ground
oya daun."

Those are the words our generation is digesting and we wonder why over 70% of candidates failed the last private WAEC and there is massive failure especially in English Language.

By my rough count, there is a total of 200 "Shoki ahh Shoki" in this song!

5. Shake Body by Skales

Need I talk much about this one? You sef check out part of the lyrics na...

" Oya shake body, Oya move body,Make you ring alarm o, Oya shake body...Ah coupe decale ma,Sagasige, Akilibre,Faro de ma, Decale….decale, Krikata,Krikata,Krikata, Krikata,Krikata,Krikata,
Krikata,Krikata,Pon pon,
Somunto….somunto,
Kalopere, Kalopere, Kalopere"

Now, what's all that about???

4. Murder by Seyi Shay ft Patoranking, Shaydee

If you listen to this song, even though it featured Patoranking and Shaydee, all you will hear for most part of the song is "She say she wan murder, he say he wan murder, she say he wan do that thing ye" Do wetin? Murder who??? You be Oscar Pistorious? ...

Now, checkout the lyrics of the Verse 2 of the song where Patoranking came in again..

"Stay close to me, baby girl come in here porn, Give other girls resist, them fit hate on, Member and you alone me rate hun, Even your friends them fit hate on, Fire burning, Girl I'll keep you coming,Say you no go running, Every time, girl you keep turning."

That's Patoranking, Nigeria's best Reggae singer at the moment? SMH!

3. Shekini by Psquare

There is a popular Yoruba proverb which says that when a child is due for maturity, he/she must put aside every childishness.

After many years and despite their A-list status in the industry couple with their global experience, the Psquare duo are obviously not getting matured at all with the dissapointing inclusion of the track "Shekini" in their latest album. I won't speak too much, see the lyrics yourself.

They started the song this way...

"P-Square eh eh, Yahn ahn, (Allen [4x]), Yahn ahn"
**who is Allen for crying out loud?**

Then, they said "Lets go...Otu de, oya sare wa gba kekere, kerewawo, Atu ti de, oya burukutu make e sarabara owey, (Oya shekini ni ni ni ni [3x]),Oya shekina na na na na." (And what is "Burukutu" doing in there.)

Folks, don't be fooled, the lyrics sounds like Yoruba but it's not correct Yoruba but a mumbo-jumbo!

Another constant in the song is this verse; "I get power (ah), me I no dey bother, (ehn ehn)
I no be footballer but I sabi budey Ronaldo," then they jump to this lyrics "Take it (slow),Take it (free),
Alhaji (ehn ehn),Ehn ehn (listen),Take it (ahn),
Take it (orijo),Alhaji (okay)
Ehn ehn (hmm)".

Who is this Alhaji? Well, maybe the Alhaji is supposed to drink the burukutu they mentioned above.

2. Ogaranya By Kcee ft Davido

Now, I'm sorry KCee has to be in this list a second time. Personally, I'm kind of confused about him. Maybe his music is not that awkward. Maybe it's his gesticulations/dance steps in his videos, costumes or tone of his singing voice or his general fashion sense that is awkward and give off an impression of his songs from that perspective. I'm yet to place a finger on what it is. Most of the people I've asked have mixed reactions as well. They really' can't say. Ogaranya has a good meaning; A rich person or something like that. Some things are just wrong with part of the lyrics and Davido once again rubbished his own brand on this one. Check it out;

Intro (Davido)

"A le le le le le le le le le le
On the beat is Del'B...
Its Davido,Kcee
Big Boy, E-money"

Now, even though there is a funny way they keep repeating Ogaranya, I really don't have a problem with the Chorus which goes thus;

"Everybody wanting to be a big ogaranya,Nobody want to sit down dey look ogaranya,Everybody wanting to be a big ogaranya,Nobody want to sit down dey look ogaranya, My God dey bless me, ogaranya
No be my fault o, ogaranya
Believing e no do o, ogaranya,Imaya heyyy...
Everybody like ogaranya,
Mama and papa e like ogaranya, The ladies like ogaranya, That's why them dey love me"

However, the next statement is what I really don't get...

"The place is so cold, e dey follow, Dey for body like logo"..(which place is he talking about? Which place is so cold?)

Davido made it worse at the verse 2 as his contribution does not relate at all. He sang..

"Girl I want you to know, The way you see no be so..???, E get as the thing dey go, So baby you take am slow(Asin??) Shey na now you dey notice,(notice wetin???) Abi u think I be novice, You know say I know say you get it, Money dey(I thought Davido is supposed to be the Ogaranya and not the girl?), Oya make we blow things"(now that is a Boko Haram alert. Beware guys.)

1. Body by Black Magic ft Banky W

The song has now been edited. 'Sex' has been replaced with 'eh' but the rest of the lyrics is still as worse as the original. You can imagine my embarrasment the first time I heard this song on Channel O. You know how Naija artistes like to cover up sexual explicitness with slangs? This brazen artiste called Blackmagic didn't cover up anything. Lol. Though the song was released in December 2013, I feel it's as good as being a 2014 song and should be on this list to show you how bad the music industry has become and what your children are listening to. Here is a part of the song;

"...So stop the fronting, Is what I told this girl,And her body oh oh, Just wanna get next to you, Just wanna have sex with you, I swear I want this girl and her body o o".

You na never see anything, continue..

"1, 2, 3, Then begin 5, 4, I'm splitting a dozen like 3, 5, 4,I am already sky high, but I need to high more, And my dumb friend told me that I need high malt Ewo."...

(Did you see what this guy is singing? Isn't he as dumb as his dumb friends? Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are).

See another one here...

"Baby girl what's cooking in the kitchen, I love the way you smile, maybe we should start kissing, Listen 30 seconds, then she takes a bra missing, Turn into a small kitten, And after a while we start gripping,
And after a while o she turns into a river, And then I start fishing into her hot body, I begin to start dipping, Her clothes just start missing".

Hmm,Guys what more can I say? Behold, your favourite music in 2014! Hope I tried? What do you think?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lol!!! This review got me cracking with laughter.. ... Very nice write up. But I feel you were very harsh on Lil Kesh tho. I love this

D'Arc Ed said...

Alas! This are the songs our children are supposed to listen to and grow into maturity with. Can you conveniently watch most musical videos on channel O with your children nowadays? Would you want your daughters to be those girls nakedly scrambling and rumbling for a single guy. Its just showbiz eh? Issorait. Have you started seeing its reflection in society? More baby mamas, craze for money without hardworking, inferiority complex disguised as show off, rape, prostitution disguised as runs, lower virtue among the ladyfolks? Hmmn.
We should fight it. We should say no to musical brainwashing. People aspire to become like their celebrity role models. Nuff said.

chucks charles Okoroafor said...

You said what was needed to be said, I can barely understand some songs being played on the streets..

chucks charles Okoroafor said...

You said what was needed to be said, I can barely understand some songs being played on the streets..

Anonymous said...

Yea... I get u... But dey may av their reason for writing such songs... Well... Dey are making their money n u sit there condemming them.. Write ur songs too.. . Den you can judge.

D'Arc Ed said...

One doesn't need to be a songwriter to know what's good music, really.