Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Must-Read: Of Flavour's flaunt, yatching holidays and Range Rovers…By Charles Novia

By Morakinyo Olugbiji|For instant gists, ff @splendor_online|BB:20C3B3F1

For some of you who feel that we are hating on Chika Ike and Flavour( see here and here), It's not only splendormag that finds fault with the celebs immaturity. In an article titled "Of Flavour's flaunt, Yachting holidays and Range Rovers", Nollywood producer and director was harsher on them. Below is the article. Make sure you read it o...


Have you heard that Flavour has posted YET ANOTHER half nude picture of himself on instagram again?'

'Really? Did he show his balls this time?

'Balls? No o! Why would you think such a thing like that? Are you sick?'

'No, I am not sick. The person unwell might be  Flavour himself. I seriously think he needs either deliverance or a Shrink'

' Ah-ah! That is too harsh na! Why should he see a Shrink? Because he is 'opening chest' up and down? That is not a crime na…'

'Ok. It may not be a crime but I think it is a psychotic narcissism belied by an inherent dysmorphia'

'Chineke! Are you related to Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon?

' I am serious here. I mean, why would any sane guy keep on posting such pictures of himself on social media? He tried it once and that was even ok for the moderate buzz it received. But to keep on posting such suggests something which is more than meets the eye

'Something like what?'

'Well, I am not an expert in sexual peccadiloes and preferences but I can't help thinking each time I see those pictures that Flavour might be sending a bi-sexual message to his fans!'

'Chineke! This guy, Meeen! Careful with your mouth o! What kind of bi-sexual message do you mean?'

'I didn't say he is anything other than what he projects himself to be. Mark you. I only infer to a suspicion that he might be subtly calling out fans of a different sexual genre. That does not make him anything other than he is, I repeat but when such pictures are repetitively posted in the same sequence of briefs, bulging phallus and toned muscles, then no one can be blamed for probing his…

'Shut up! I am a big fan of Flavour and I refuse to even listen to this malarkey. I think he is just being the superstar he is. You know, posting pictures so as to trend among the female fans. It is a normal thing. Almost all celebrities do it. Haba!'

'Alright. I defer to your obvious adulation of Flavour and just to allow Peace to reign, I suspend the notion I have that he might be keeping something in the closet'

'Thank you for suspending that thought.'

'But if he posts another of such pictures again, I promise you that I will not be so lenient in my summations'

'Why should he not be free to post his pictures on social media? Is that not what the other celebrities in Nigeria do?'

'I don't really 'send'those Drama Kings and Queens, living in hallucinogenic Utopia!'

'Guy! Cool down on the grammar. Na Beer Parlour we dey nor be Chris Okotie Church or Obahiagbon's media interview.'

'These so-called celebs just set me off! Look, my friend, as with many of those in the society from which our Nigerian celebrities come from, these guys suffer from a deep-rooted poverty mentality which even their doubtful educational exploits cannot mask'

'Why do you say so?'

'Let me give an example with that Chika Ike. She is an actress or something? Yeah? How is it that she sorts of ensures that the whole Nigeria must know that she paid $24,000 for a two-day yacht ride in the Middle East? Isn't that some sort of dysfunction of her faculties?'

'But I read that it was her Personal Assistant who wrote effusively on her personal page that Chika paid that amount and took her, the PA or friend, along for the ride'

'It all boils down to my point. And by the way, that picture I saw of the yacht is suspect. The damned thing looked like a cruise boat which the obtuse PA might have mistaken for a yacht though. Anyway, my point is, in this clime we live in,  our so-called celebrities, coming from a background of social, material and emotional deprivation just have to FORCE the public to know that they have arrived. So, a boat trip, a helicopter ride, a breakfast in a 3 star hotel lobby and a personal scratch on the ass must make the news at all costs'

'But it's bloggers like Linda Ikeji, Bella Naija and others who scoop those celebrities out and use those pictures as news of the moment'

'My friend, sharrap! I can bet my next Range Rover that those bloggers only post what the publicists ask them to publish'

'Did you say Range Rover? You want to buy a Range Rover?'

'Ini Edo bought one, didn't she? And she did not need to take permission from her father. So, why shouldn't I buy one?'

'But I read somewhere that Ini Edo has denied that she bought the Range with her own money. It was reported that she said she just went there to check it out'

'Goodluck to her and God's Will be upon her life too'

'Are you being funny or is that a prayer?'

'My friend , you must be getting drunk to be reading meanings into my harmless prayers'

'With you, one can never tell what your tongue-in-cheek portends. That's why I had to ask to be sure. Can I buy you another bottle?'

'Sure. Waiter, please another cold bottle of table water.'

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